Finally back at school.

So yesterday was my first day back at school. I would have written a blog post yesterday but as soon as i got back I fell asleep. Yesterday was busy and tiring. Really tiring. I can already tell that this is going to be a long year for me. I am not sure what my feelings are regarding it. Part of me is happy to be back at school. The other hates it. I am going to be taking exams later this year and already i am stressing out. I fear that i will not achieve as well as i hoped. I fear that i will fail. I hate talking to people about school as they do not tend to understand how much i adore learning and yet it also makes me want to hit myself over the head. I have this intense fear of messing up.

All through out my childhood I have been told that I am smart. I have learned to resent praise as it can often feel unwarranted or unnecessary. I do not like people telling me i am smart as i do not feel smart. In fact there are a lot of things i am very much lacking in intelligence.Yes i can code and i can do chemistry but i cannot take care of myself. Without prompting i can forget to eat, sleep, shower or to do much of anything really. I would be caught up in what i was doing and only realize after a couple of days that i have not slept or eaten after i pass out. So yeah i can write and i can spout out crazy random facts but really i am a human being with faults.People need to realize it is ok not to be smart. It is ok to realize that there are things that you cannot do. But we also have things we can do. We are all smart in our own unusual and unique way.